James Sawyer
With all the Canadian references in the show, it is about time we use a song from a Canadian rock band, and at the same time explore the theme of Sawyer's penchant for making up nicknames for people. This song is to the tune of "Tom Sawyer" by Rush.
A Southern raised laureate
with a mean mean stripe,
Today's James Sawyer
Mean mean, snide.
So his mind is a high percent
Of put-downs and detriment.
He inserts quite offense
Deriding your leanings and bents.
"Doctor Wizard!"
What he nicknames is his summary
Of what he thinks about you, personally.
Catch the dissing, catch the wit
Catch the misery, catch his drift.
If the words are, the word are
Lardo, Deepdish and Kong 
Maybe its cuz' your pants are wide
Today's James Sawyer
He gets by on you.
With the name he just made
He'll get to ride on you.
No his mind is not worth a cent
To any in want of encouragement.
Always a dose full of discontent.
He knows names aren't permanent
But the pain is.
What he nicknames is his summary
Of what he thinks are your liabilities.
Catch the dissing, catch the mist
Stand too close, catch the spit.
If the words are, the words are
Yoda and bug-eyed bast'd
Maybe it's cuz' you are bug-eyed.
Enter new laureate
Today's Miles Straum.
He gets by on you too.
And the names now made
They get right on you in directions from all ways. | |